My.Life.Day.to.Day

well as you know jack and i broke up
but because i was so stupid and naive
i figure we could be friends. so basically
the last month was me fighting with him
just as if we were together and trying
to get him to treat me as just a friend!

with situations where we would all get together
a bunch of friends and jack and i to go
downtown to a club and have him push me off
of ppl i was dancing with or stare at me from
afar as i talked to ppl.

it just became to much for me and after a
long fight on the phone and a threat of death
from him. i decided that was it for me..
i will never again talk to jack and nor want to.
so as my friends at york please watch out for
him.. make sure if you do come in contact with
him do not give him my room number or phone number
it has even gone so far as for me pondering whether
or not to get a restraining order.

i think this year will be hard for all of us
but i need all your help with this. he is a scary
guy and i dont want anyone else hurt.

anyways besides all this fucking drama
i got my hair done.. its red now..
and thats exciting.. plus im moving in soon
and i cant wait to see my friends again. i love you all!

cant wait to be with you guy and i hope we have classes together!
see you in a few days
BECKS

this is me and my girls before school starts.. driving to the mall

well this summer has been something
and that something isnt FUN..
well ive been having an extremely stressed
filled summer because jack and i live so
far apart and that has caused alot of
problems and we thought by getting a place
together that would solve the problem
well sure enough we didnt get the place
and i was stuck in orangeville. we made it work
for a while and it was ok but then it got to a
point where me starting a new job at FUTURESHOP
would become a problem.
anyways before all that shit started i was rushed
into the doctors office because i was very sick
so the next day i had to go for precedure and the
out come of the test.... you guessed it
CROHN'S DISEASE.. just like sarah. ya we really are twins!
well to start the downward spiral i got sick was
put on alot of meds and even some for stress.
then as my spiral quickened i was told i need glasses
for long distances and driving at night. well now that
was just the icing on the cake. crohns to change my life
and glasses to ruin it.. but to make this shit better
my time a futureshop would sure enough become the downfall..
for some bazar reason a few of the NERDS that work there
thought i was cute and so they started hitting on me
but everytime i would shut them down saying i wasnt single
and stuff like that but the pressure of that became too much
for my dear jack and because the pin prick to the balloon.
And it drove him through a faz where he would break up with me
and then go back out and then break up and go back out, constantly
fighting with me about everything and making me feel like shit
and coming into my work to check up on me. it was too much.
so because of me being sick and all this shit wasnt helping
i took the biggest and bravest step of my life.
i broke up with him. and to be honest i am enjoying myself.
i have a life i dont need to worry about what i do or anything
i can go out and have fun.
funny thing is i should have just listened to everyone right from
the beginning. but i guess it just takes me a bit longer
to realize it. eh!!
anyways i think this might just stick and ive tried to block
him out a far bit we will see what happens!
thanks to all my friends that helped me at school. YOU WERE RIGHT!

Best part im able to go out with my sisters too.
this is a picture of us at Laurens birthday. i love them so much.
ME WITH GLASSES... AHHHHH..

well ive been away from jack for like.. well
since monday and today is saturday so you do the
math.. it's been so long and hard for me, but what
makes it all worth while is that amazing, voice that
i hear at the other end of the phone. NO Not Jesus..
every time i sit waiting and waiting for jack to call
its like torture because i haven't been away from him like
this forever. but the funny thing is. even though i am
away from him i feel my love for him has gotten stronger.
I don't know why, but its like the more time apart from one
another the more i know i will treasure seeing him next.
every night we sit and talk on the phone, about our days..
for me my day consists of - not doing anything, and lots of lying down..
for jack - school, working out for 2 hours, running, xbox, eating..
fun stuff like that.. as you can see my first week of was
non-eventful, except for the fact that my granny is visiting
and shes hilarious..
best quote she's said so far..
"IF ROBBA COMES GET MY GUN OUTA DA SUITCASE AND SHOOT 'UM"
she's one of a kind that's for sure..
anyways besides all the excitement of granny i feel i spend
100% of my day thinking about jack, and whether we will get a
house together.. i am so excited to be with him, hopefully
tonight.. the time we shared at school was amazing it really
brought us close together, we felt what it would be like to
live with one another, and it felt great. i know if jack and
i do go that far to live together it will only make our
relationship that much stronger.
a friend of mine told me the other day that he thought... me and
jack would go all the way and get married... that made me so happy
he also said that if we had babies they would be called
'Picasso Police' - half artists half police.. cute
i think because of my on place at residence it opened up so many
doors for us. we were always able to have time for us without
our parents getting in the way and bossing up around. we had
our own space to live our own lives without boundaries..
we got a taste of what it would feel like to live together
and it was amazing..
i know in my heart that if it wasn't for jack this year i wont
have made it as far as i did. with his strength behind me he
pushed me so i was able to finish my first year.. i know that
without him i probably would have quit along the way. but
now i know with his support and love i will always be able to
do my best.
Jack is more then my boy friend
- he is my best friend
- my lover
- my strength
- my love of my life
- my destiny
(wow i sound corny, meh i would do it for him)
we may have rough times but he's always there to make me feel
better, cheers me up and think about what i have accomplished.
if i take one thing from this year it would be how our relationship
has bloomed into the perfect flower.
i can't wait til we get our own place it will only make us that
much stronger and bring us closer to our goal in life...
Thank you jack for everything this year
i love you with all my heart
i can't believe we went from two nervous shy kids to best friends/partners.
thank you for helping me through all my rough times, and times
i wanted to give up. without you i wouldn't be where i am today..
LOVE YOU ALWAYS
And forever
Beckie Holt..ahahaha

well this week was reading week
and was very eventful except not with school
because i didnt do any of my essays or homework

it was valentines day and i was sitting all alone
in orangeville without my baby and then he just
showed up with a huge bundle of flowers for me..
it was so amazing but what made it that much more
special was to see that he had brought my mom and
my sister sarah eash,a single pink rose..
hes so sweet.. my mom was really impressed!!

then the following day i had my surgery. four
stupid wisdom teeth had to be removed.. when i
got there i had to take a pill wash my mouth with
this special tooth paste and then it was on.. i went
into the room and some crazy guy came at me with the
needle i was like "WAIT .. IM NOT LETTING YOU DO THIS
UNTIL YOU ANSWER ME A QUESTION." im sure you can see
i was very nervous .. anyways after that he assured me
that no there was no other way of getting the IV and i was
screwed.. so out of nowhere i as hooked up to all these
machines one on my ankle. wrist. elbow.. and finger.. plus
the IV in my hand.. then my doc came in and slowly began
to tell me what was gonna happen.. as he put the oxygen
mask on i could feel the cold liquid of the anesthesia flow
through me arm and as the doc told me to just think of
something or someone you loved.. i picture my baby Jack..
and as i began to smile i felt my eye lids drop and i was
asleep..

when i woke up i was in another room and shivering like
Crazy.. the weird thing was that i couldnt come out of
my sleep the nurse kept telling me to stay away and look at
the wall and more an more blankets were poured on me to stop
me from shivering.. it was so bad she had to walk me everywhere
including to my car..

basically it was fun filled..
im back at YORK and not looking forward to the coming weeks..
i have three essays due and a painting..
i am so screwed
ya me

looking back i can see i havent written
on this since january the 28th that could
be in part because silly matt got me addicted
to myspace.. you poop.. the other day matt and
jessie had an important convo with me about
how ive become a myspace slut.. ahahaha i hope
their joking..
anyways im so proud of jack he had his interview
on monday and it went really well they were impress
about his aux. police work and want him back for
another interview.. he's been over alot lately and
i at first thought i might be a bit much and afraid
of what the porters would say.. but now that hes here
i realized that theres nothing better waking up to
him by my side. or coming home from a long days work
and seeing his goregous smile..
we can spend hours sitting and talking, playing ju-jitsu
(sometimes its prolly not the best time to play it
especially when i have a painting due and you injure my
painting hand) or just watching a movie..
when your there with me i feel safe and happy
i love you jack..
now get your ass over. its been 6 hours since ive seen you
i cant take it.. ahahah i cant breathe, lo-sing-air, feel
light-head-ed, ca-nt-hold-on.. ahahh get your ass here now!
beckie

today was fun, i woke up next to jack..
then fell asleep then woke up again and he
was getting ready for class.. then he kissed
me goodbye and went off to class to write a
test.. well i woke up around 11.20 from a lovely
phone call by matt.. and that is when my day
officially started..
i was planing to get ready for 12 so i could
leave to go downtown with friends tula and matt
but things changed like that fact that we all
stayed up til like 4 the night before and were
dead tired so tula slept in and when she woke it
wasn't til 1.30 so we told her to call when she
was ready, so instead of waiting around for her
matt and i got jack to take up to mcdonald's for
brunch, little did we know that the two on keele
were both closed down, hmm.. that sucked so we
traveled down steeles and we finally got to a point
where i didnt feel like driving anymore so i rolled
down my window and asked the car stopped next to
me to do that same, then my bravo bf asked him where
the closest mcdonald's was and he directed us..
so we travelled an hour to get mcdonalds when we
finally reached home and by that time all three
of us were so sick and all felt fat.. ahah
anyways by that time tula was ready and we were
off for another adventure..

we got downtown and got off the subway at OSGOODE..
where we visited the condomshack (matt we should have
bought those aprons) anyways we stopped at a tone
of shops before reaching Curry's where we bought
canvas' and supplies.. then spending more money
matt and i bought track pants and tried them on
in a change room that had see-through curtains.. very
sexy!!
finally when we got home jack and i settled down for
a nap and then woke up at 8:45.. where we went to
the lithography studio only to find that it was
closed so instead we decided to drink at the
underground.. well in the underground there was a
party happening with music and dancing so jack and i,
since we were drunk decided we might give it a shot,
horribly finding out it was Queer's Nights! oops!!

Later that night we returned to rez called matt
and watched The Amnityville Horror movie, which by the
way is the best movie to watch wit matt, he makes it
a hundred times scarier.. then after that jack went home
so sad and i stayed up and waited for the call..
but when waiting for it matt asked me to go downstairs with
him to get his laundry so i did. and while we were
down there he scared the shit out of me, and got me
thinking dead people were coming at us.. oh ya matt
like im scared of that shit.. ok maybe i am..
anyways overall it was a wicked night and i am so happy
im having a blast but i know when tomorrrow comes
im gonna be in one bad mood. ahah stupid modern art,
lithography and FACS..

P.S. here are some pictures of our last few drunken
feasts that i thought were most memorable..

wow i havent written in this thing in
forever, i just came in and decided i would
check up my journals and it took me over half
an hour, shit.. lol..
tonight i went out with TULA, MATT and JACK..
we went to the ab and the underground but they
were packed and the price of the underground cover
for a none-student was crazy .. so we ended up
going to Manga Manga and had some fun drinks then
went over to Sakura and watched some sweet
kareokee.. those ppl are extremely talented.
in the words of tula, "if the dont stop im gonna
smash my head of this table.."
then after we went to the cove, i know we're cool
played a few rounds of pool, a few driving games,
the punch bag games, the gun game, but the best
was when we went into the kareokee booth, and even
though it didnt work we sang on the mic. it was
wicked because anyone that was outside of the room
could hear us.. matt is amazing at making up songs
on the spot i think he should consider a career as
a gangsta. possible following in the shoes of
P.DIDDY..ahahah..
overall it was fun hanging out with my friends
tomorrow TULA, MATT AND I are going downtown, to
explore some more and probably get into some
trouble..
fun times, sad times.. all in one!!

well today was great..
i woke up 1 min before my alarm went off
to the sound of the phone ringing, as i
jumped out of bed i gracefully fell on the
floor, stupid sheets getting caught on my
feet.. anyways and who was on the phone
to my surprise jack.. it was nice to hear
his voice. tho it was short..it was nice..
then i got another call from my lover..
matt. hehehe.. and he told me to get my
ass ready for class..
well we went to philosophy and it was wicked
that teacher is hilarious he knows more about
the titanic then i thought was possible..
"there names are jack and rose.."
ahahah so very funny..
then i went to berries and blooms.. and got a
huge container of fruit.. when i got in
to my room the phone rang and shocked me making
me through my strawberries all over the floor..
again it was my baby jack. he was at school
and just wanted to check up. very nice of him..
then i was bored and decided to check my livejournal
and i saw a recently posted journal from jack..
it was so sweet and nice of him. hes is very
special to me.
and now im here sitting waiting for my class to
start where i can enjoy a nice long nap.. yayay
i prolly shouldnt have gone to bed at 3.30 and
then woke up at 9. not a good idea. oh well.. im
use to it..
well today is arts and ideas with nuttall and then
im going to the painting studio with matt. to work
on our painting that we've only been allowed 1 week
to do.. ya we are lucky.. and then after like 6 hours
there im going to the lithography room with tula
to even out my rocks 1 last time..
ya long day.. another late night..
but thats ok..
and the best part of my day is when i come home
and sit on my computer, so nice, so relaxing,
such a great surface to sleep on..
oh what a day..

well i havent updated this in forever
because my stupid internet was disconnect
because i went over the stupid limit so i
havent had it since sunday. it felt like i
was going insane, so i had to bother matt
quite often.. thanks matt..lol
but smart me figured out how to fix it and
get back online sooner.. but its a secret
unless you really care.. its a bit difficult
to explain..
anyways so the last entry i wrote was from
friday i think, and well i will give you
the update, completely..

so here i go..

FRIDAY night, jack, matt and i went over to
jessies place in pond and partied it up and
didnt go home til like 5, sorry jessie..hehehe

SATURDAY night like the night before we all
went to matts room and partied it up but instyle
we had amazing champagne, and wine.. all in very
fancy classes. i felt like royalty. ehehe
around 12 or something we went to Fhalafal Hut Village
(dont know if i spelt that write) and ate, tho
all i had was rich.. and after we were done eatting
we decided to part ways, jessie went back to pond,
and matt jack and i went back to tatham, but on
the way we ran into these 8 scary thugs, but good
thing nothing happened because jack was too drunk to
do anything, i think.. chances are matt and i would
have just ran.. smart thing to do..

SUNDAY night jack and i just hung out it was nice

MONDAY was my painting class, it went swimmingly

TUESDAY was my philosophy class and arts and ideas
i never knew i would enjoy philosophy so much im really
very into it.. i love it, not to mention the sexy teacher
ahahahahah.. him and his big tie.. and after those classes
i went with TULA to my lithography studio and worked on our
really huge stones from 5.30 til 9..

WEDNESDAY i had lithography yet again, and now i hate it
even more.. lol

TODAY i had philosophy another wicked class, and modern art
a little on the boring side.. and now im here, waiting
for jack to come over, i think i might get drunk tonight..
who knows.. if i go to the absinth pub i might be in for a
treat, maybe i will ehehehe..

Matt i will take your advice.. we'll see how it goes..